FUNNY FEELING

FUNNY FEELING

This represents a snapshot of the beginning of the end of Dad’s life. This is just my imagination of the events that happened during that time. For some reason I wanted to know what it was like. 1/21/1998


He sat on the edge of the bed. The old man had done this many times before but this time he did not feel the same. This had become a ritual. Getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom. It was 3:00 AM. His wife did not arouse. He sat on the bed for a few minutes. He knew it was not right. He had felt strange earlier in the evening. Hell, he had felt strange for the past 20 years.

He pushed himself up off the bed with his once strong hands. There was not much room between the bed and the wall. The radio was in the corner near the head of the bed. He fell into the radio. This awoke his wife. She asked if he was okay. He said that he did not think he could get up. She got up and walked around to his side of the bed.

"I have a terrible pain in my side." he said.

She had been through this several times before. He had been in sliding health for several years. A working class man, he did not spend much of his life at the doctor's office. He had a heart attack (or so they said) when he was in his early 40's and that had been a cause for much concern. He gave up smoking at that point and did alter his eating habits somewhat. In his early 50s he had an aneurysm on his main aortic artery. That was successfully repaired. Then it was colon cancer, lung spots, severe arthritis, prostrate enlargement, and on and on with the things common to ageing.

He had always dealt with the problem. Always managed to come out of the situation with a new lease on life. This time he just did not feel right. He felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. He felt tired.

"I'll help you up." said his wife.

"Wait. I don't think I can make it yet. Just let me sit here a minute."

She walked over and turned on the light. She came back and sat down beside him. They sat there for several minutes. She could tell he was in pain. He had a high tolerance for pain and so she knew it was pretty severe.

"Where does it hurt?" she ask.

"I don't know mommie. I just hurt all up and down my back and bellie."

He had called her mommie since the birth of their children. Especially when he was emphasizing a point. She liked being called mommie sometimes. It made her feel like she was a part of something. She lived for her children. They had two. Two boys. These boys were now a long way from being children, but she still thought of them as her children. Being called mommie in the tone that was now present meant that he was in a stressed condition.

"Do you want to try to get up again?" she said.

"No."

She looked at him in the light. She knew something was terribly wrong. His color was bad. Gray. She had seen this before. The heart attack he had some 40 years ago gave him this same color. This frightened her.

"I am going to call the hospital." she told him.

He said nothing. She knew his silence was his approval. She went into the living room to call the ambulance service. The old man had never got around to installing a phone jack in the bedroom like she had wanted. She called the ambulance service and then called her oldest son who lived nearby. She went back and sat down on the side of the bed with the old man. She looked at him and knew the pain was severe.

The old man had a great tolerance for pain. He had been a mechanic. He had known his share of mashed fingers and busted knuckles. He worked right through them. One of his most painful experiences was when he was hunting in the woods by himself at night. He had stepped on a large limb that somehow was spring loaded by being entangled in some brush. When he stepped on the limb, it was released and smashed into his scrotum. He lie in pain for sometime and then got up and walked back to his truck which was about 4 miles away. This to him was pain. Of course this was physical pain. His dealing with emotional trauma was different. He would become very emotional when confronted with a condition involving something about his family.

The old man’s wife looked around the room. She looked at the radio in the corner. She meant to wipe the dust off the stand. She looked at the marble top dresser. It had once belonged to her grandfather. He had died young of pneumonia. She wondered if that old dresser had witnessed scenes like this in the past. She looked at the old man again. She put her arm around his shoulder.

She saw the flashing red lights approaching. She knew it would be the emergency vehicle. She hoped the lights would not disturb the neighbors. The neighbors were very nice to them. They had become to know the neighbor on either side not long after they moved here. This home was not their life home. Their life home was in another small town. They had lived in their life home for about 37 years. In the same house. She thought nothing of that statistic. The old man was reluctant to move as was she. But their oldest son wanted them to move closer to him. For convenience. And she could be closer to their grandchildren. But it is hard to leave a place that you have been in for almost 50 years and a home that you have been in for almost 40 years. But they agreed to move and now were content. They had been here about 10 years.

The emergency vehicle stopped in front of the house. She got up off the bed and went to the door. Another car parked behind the emergency vehicle. This would be her son. She went to the door and let the EMTs into her home along with her son.

“What’s going on?” said his son.

“Don’t know. Think I’m constipated.” said the old man trying to joke.

The EMTs came into the room and asked the old man how he felt. He told them he felt tight in his bellie. They took his blood pressure and looked at him in detail. They asked him if he could walk. He said no. This was embarresing to him. He had always been very self sufficient. They went to get a gurney. The old man was then loaded on the gurney and wheeled to the door. His son was standing there and they looked at each other. This was their most common bond. Silence. Neither the old man nor the son was much on verbal proclivity. The old man knew in his heart that this was his time. So did his son.

The EMTs loaded the gurney into the emergency vehicle. The old man’s son and wife told the old man that they would meet him at the hospital. He nodded. The van left for the hospital which was only a few blocks away.

The old man looked at the EMT. He had always joked with his attending persons in the past. This time he just felt tired. He just didn’t feel like joking. He laid on the gurney. He thought about the things he should have done. Did he change the furnace filters this year? He couldn’t remember. What about the oil in the car. He had been putting that off. He should have done that. He wondered if he would ever see his wife and kids again. He just had a funny feeling.